No one wants to sit beside someone who is sick...

"Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat."- Mother Teresa

No one wants to sit beside someone who is sick. Today I was at the doctor's office (well, one of them) for the 3rd time. Everytime I've been this week they've requested that I wear a mask which is exactly why no one wants to sit beside me- maybe also because of the sneezing or coughing, who knows!
I found it quite amusing to watch as people would enter the doctors office, take one look at me in my mask and strategically place themselves as far away as possible. One man even squeezed himself in a coat rack just so that he wouldn't have to take the only available seat left beside yours truly.
Now, I was able to laugh this incident off because I know I will get over this terrible cold and be right as rain soon enough, but it got me thinking. What about people who have to spend their whole lives dealing with this kind of treatment? How do they manage? Is it as easy for them to laugh it off?
I suppose in our society anything that isn't normal is something too far out of our comfort zone. Anything that doesn't look, sound, smell, or act just a certain way merits our distaste and disrespect.
Why is it then that amputees are respected due to their loss of limbs in battle, or scream-o music so highly revered, or stinky athletes worshipped after a game, or a comedian who say things a little bit differently then the rest of us for a laugh- why are they any different then the disfigured, the deaf, the homeless, or any other 'outsider' for that matter? They are of a higher position because wehave decided that they are different.
Isn't that sad? Doesn't that make you wonder how many people must go through life without being touch, hugged, LOVED?
In a past blog I talked about a couple I met in New Brunswick this summer. I won't name them for privacy's sake so I will call them Mr. and Mrs. Awesome. Mrs. Awesome has the biggest most loving heart. I remember leaving the downtown homeless storehouse and talking with her. We had had a wonderful time learning how to play crib with some of the men. She started telling me of this one man that played crib with her who was probably the worst smelling individual there. What struck me was not the fact that he smelled but that she played with him for hours. She was bothered by the smell but she didn't let it get in the way of loving him.
We often ask God to get rid of those things that hinder us from loving one another. Sometimes those things aren't spiritual, emotion or even mental- they are physical hindrances.
The reason that the warrior, the scream-o band, the athlete and the comedian are so easily respected is because it is easy to find out what they've done to earn that respect. Maybe then we should look a little harder to those who may not have their badges outside of themselves. Their badges could be covered with 'non-normal' attire, but their respect is no less warranted.


Note: This is by no means a way to discredit those who've done respectful things whether you are in the army, a band, a sports team, or on stage. I was just using these analogies to make a point!

Blessings vs. Trials

Last night I was at a friends house for dinner and a very interesting discussion emerged on blessings and trials. It was getting particularly deep when one person turned to myself and another and said "So, are you telling me that you think that God gives you more than you can handle?"
Both the other individual and I said in unison- YES!
I think that this is something that is particularly confusing to Christians. It was clarified that God will never give you trials that you cannot handle; He will, however, give you blessings that you are not able to handle.
When God blesses he does it in a way that only shows his glory. That is why the commonly used thought, that is you let God take over he'll bless you beyond what you can even comprehend, fits so well.

Over the past year or so I've struggled off and on in the area regarding finances. I would often find my thoughts jogging back and forth between whether I agreed more so with Christian prosperity or Christ-like abandonment of money hoarding. (note: this is putting is drastically, but you get my point)I've known for quite some time that my line of work will mean that money will certainly not grow on trees.
Last week one of my friends on facebook sent out a question about Christians and finances and it sparked a lost fear I had not known about until now. I had always held onto the idea that is was okay for me to have more than enough since I would be able to provide down the road to whoever would need it.
I guess when it boils down to it, those thoughts I held so dearly to required my own control, and not God's. It was something that I could plan for. I'd created an earthly treasure of sorts, in my mind, for the future. I lacked the one thing that trumps this whole thought-process- faith!
A friend gave me a wonderful book to read and it has revolutionized the way I see many things- money included. The book is called Turnings and is written by Guy Chevreau. I would recommend it to anyone who would stop and listen to me for half a second.
He says " Kingdom obedience leads finances. So much is compromised when it is the other way around."
Having faith and finances means that God expects you to be a good steward of money. Chevreau also says this. " God will not trust you with Kingdom power and authority until you've proved faithful with something as insignificant as money, for the eternal consequences of squandering Kingdom authority are far greater than misleading earthly riches."
Paraphrased, have faith that God will provide what is needed if you are willing to be good stewards of what is blessed to you, for the Kingdom of God!

Choice Thanksgiving

Today at church we had a guest speaker who spoke very well on the season of Thanksgiving. I am going to use some of her own thoughts and expand on them with my own.
She used 2 passages. Psalm 22 and Job Chapter 23. At first I was a bit taken aback by the solemnness and sorrowful nature of these passages. Then I understood where she was going with it.
Holiday seasons for the majority of the world are painful experiences, whether it is facing that family we dread, missing a person whose presence isn't there for whatever reason, or remember what used to be. It is easy to be thankful when everything is that 'hallmark' picture of family and friends. It isn't so easy when life is upside down.
Job was a man who lost everything. He lost his children (10 in total) and all of his worldly possessions. Then, to top it all off his health fails him. Job has nothing.
In all intents and purposes, Job has every reason to blame God and accuse him of the pain he feels. Instead, Job says this "Naked I came from my mother's womb,and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised." (Job 1:21)
David was a tortured man through much of his life. He made staggeringly poor choices whose repercussions lasted generations. Although the feeling of his writing is a cry out to a God whom he thinks has abandoned him, he does 2 things. 1) He starts to remember that God has restored everyone else in their weakness. In realizing this he then 2) Gives THANKS to God by offering his praise of those blessings.
The reality of this Thanksgiving weekend may not be what is desired but the point I want to make is that Thanksgiving, like so much of our faith in God, is a choice. Sometimes it is a feeling, but when the focus is placed on making it a choice then, regardless of the situation, God is our strong fortress and sustainer. Even when we can't see it, God will bless through the rain and the storms of life. Just keep turning to him!
This thanksgiving dinner is most likely the last time that my family and I will be all together before I head overseas. Thanks be to God that I have this weekend. It is a bittersweet day but also one to remember!
Happy Choice Day everyone!

Weakness

It's been a whirlwind of an adventure these past few weeks. There were many moments where I would think to myself "Hey, this would be a great topic to write about", however none of them came to pass.
Conferences, cottages, doctors appointments and bridal showers are just a few of the adventures I've been on.
I spent the month of August in New Brunswick. My grandmother was born there so we go to visit family every year. Just this past year my parents purchased a piece of land and built a small but beautiful cottage on it. I was surrounded by a bubbling brook, sky-high trees and a beautiful bay of brackish water.
Since it is a pretty removed area surrounded by farm and uninhabited land, there was no cell reception nor did we have a television. By being forced to be alone with my thoughts God was faithful through my low moments. As much as I love my parents it was lonely at times when they were gone and I was by myself without the potential to talk to my friends.
On the first day after I arrived I woke to the sound of hammers and drills outside my window. My mom was making coffee and suggested that I take some to the workers who was working on our cottage outside. I laugh when I think about that moment since I know God had been planning it for quite some time.
My mom had talked about one of the builders and how he started and runs a downtown St. John mission for homeless and at risk people. When I met that husband and wife team I instantaneously was drawn to their passion for the work they do for the glory of God.
After that I was hooked. I spent ever Thursday and Sunday evening in downtown Saint John where I would simply hang out and chat with people who came into the centre. We talked about everything from politics to life stories. I can't express how much joy and blessings those three weeks spent with the amazing people of Saint John gave me. I now have deep God-given friendships and penpals!
Faithfulness is in God's character. He cannot be anything but faithful to his people. Hey seeks us out even from the deepest holes of life. God is also transformative. I realized that my issues of being alone were coming from a deeper issue; I am soon leaving to Africa where I will know literally no one. The pain of being alone was amplified in the silence of my surrounds in New Brunswick and I was forced to come to terms with how I actually felt. I was scared to be alone and I was scared to leave the people whom I had a community and family. I was simply scared.
My fear came from a lack of faith in God's great handiwork in my life. The day I met that power-house couple that ran the downtown city mission I was also introduced to another new community of people that I grew to love and cherish. God taught me that his arms stretch to my future and he knew what my heart wanted and he gave me just that- a community.
I am more assured than ever before that God has a wonderful community in front of me in Nyeri Kenya. I may not speak the language(yet) but that won't stop him from what is in his nature- to bless his people!
I didn't really want to write about this because I have a hard time showing weakness. I came to an understanding that this experience has God written all over it. Whatever happens is going to happen in whichever way God decides, thus instead of trying to control it, I will let it just be. I think that the more open and honest I am about this new phase of my life, God will use it for the betterment of his kingdom.

My Bread and Apple!

Have you ever sat down and really looked at the words Christ taught us to pray? I grew up in a church where every Sunday I would say the same thing over and over again without really KNOWING what I was saying.
One summer while I was working at camp our director who happened to be a pastor did a weekly bible study of the Lord's prayer. After that eye opening experience I haven't looked at the words in the same light. I look at them and I put them into context of what it means for me.
Give us this day our daily bread. Interesting formation of words since grains for bread would have been pretty abundant during Jesus' years here on earth since carbs were the staple of their diet. If you think about it in terms of energy, you wouldn't need bread if you weren't moving around harvesting crops or caring for child, but since these were daily occurrences in the life of a Jew, bread was a crucial part of survival.
Bread in the form of what Jesus was talking about has nothing to do with physical hunger but the spiritual. One does not desire the spiritual bread of God if they aren't going anywhere. God will give us exactly the right amount of bread needed for each day's journey. The further I walk in my faith the more I realize that I need that bread that comes from heaven. I can't do this on my own.
One of my biggest heart-troubles of leaving in November is the fact that I know I have to do this alone. I have always gone away from home with at least someone I know but this time I am not. I do not have that comfort of a friend or family. My bread is my comfort and my sustainer. Literally my bread of life.
In the past I used to get frustrated with the Christian 'lingo' so to speak that seems to circulate amongst my friends. I remember hearing words or phrases over and over again and thinking to myself 'can't we come up with something better to express ourselves?'
I mentioned this thought to a good friend of mine and her response is worth noting. She said that that may in fact be true that there is a common lingo but that words for her mean so much more because she can think back to an experience that reminds her of it. I thought 'Wow, what a positive way of thinking rather than being judgmental!'

Bread of life has a whole new meaning!

I sang in a youth choir for more than 7 years and it was a big part of my life. I was just overcome with a memory of singing a beautiful song called "Jesus Christ the Apple Tree"

Jesus Christ, my bread and apple! Such comfort that brings to a troubled soul!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xgGvL09QSSQ&feature=related

Abundant Blessings

Blogging has become a real blessing to me. As I sit here writing this blog I am inspired to share with you all the abundant blessings God has provided for me over the past week.
Normally when I sit to begin a blog I have a direction I am going to take. Today is different. I don't know what to write but I'm looking forward to what may come out of this.
Last week myself and five other individuals from North Park Community Church departed on a journey to Chicago to participate in a Short Term Mission Conference aimed at opening discussion for the usefulness of STM (Short Term Mission). I was hesitant to go because I only knew one other person who was going and I wasn't sure what to expect from the conference itself. It turned out to be an immensely growing and wonderful experience.
We had a very quick trip down and had a lovely time talking and listening to music. There is something about being in a very small car and bonding really quickly that I've really come to enjoy despite the fact that I'm claustrophobic!
We arrived shortly after noon and got some lunch and headed straight into the lectures. I had the chance to meet and talk with Gil Odendaal who is the Director of STM at Saddleback Church under Rick Warren. He did a presentation on the CHE (Community Health Education) work the church is doing in Rwanda. I was totally impressed!
In the evening they had a key note speaker from Nairobi Kenya named Oscar Muriu. He is certainly a mover and a shaker. He spoke very powerfully that certainly struck deep down within me. To summarize his talk wouldn't do him justice but I'm going to try and give a very broad and very general overview of his talk. He discussed the detriments that STM has brought over the years. He talked about how the Western Church often comes with an agenda to 'fix' things whether that be to build something or give money to something. He was very clear in saying that he didn't agree with others coming to do things that local Kenyans could do themselves. He talked about how mission groups come and never really experience the culture or the people since they arrive in large groups, stay in the same hotel, eat together and generally never leave each other's side. To them it is a glorified vacation. What about the Kenyans, or any other host country for that matter. At one point he boldly stated not to come to Kenya with your own agenda, we don't need you. He also talked about Kenyan culture in that they won't say no to you. It is apart of who they are that they must 'keep face' per say. As I sat there listening to him I came to a horrible realization. The Presbyterian Church had ASKED if I could come. In one single moment it seemed as if my entire world had crashed down around me. Now I didn't know which way to turn.
As soon as he was finished his talk one of the leaders of my group from North Park suggested we go up and meet him since he is good friends with the Kenyan Pastor. I was terrified that he would mention something to Oscar about me going to Kenya and I quietly pulled him aside and asked him not to say anything. I immediately left for fear of breaking down into tears in front of everyone in the auditorium.
I sat in the bathroom for a long time crying... crying out to God. I remember saying to him "God, I don't understand. I thought this was where you told me to go. I am so lost. Please tell me what to do!"
I pulled myself together and walked back to my hotel. I fell asleep last night trying to figure out what my next steps were going to be.
The next day, broken, I woke up not really wanting to continue on with the seminars. During most of the time slots there were more than one person presenting. I decided to attend one by a Dominican Republican pastor named Rev. Robert Guerrero. HE also had a similar theme as Oscar. He based his talk on Luke 22:24-30 "Also a dispute arose among them as to which of them was considered to be greatest. Jesus said to them, "The kings of the Gentiles lord it over them; and those who exercise authority over them call themselves Benefactors. But you are not to be like that. Instead, the greatest among you should be like the youngest, and the one who rules like the one who serves. For who is greater, the one who is at the table or the one who serves? Is it not the one who is at the table? But I am among you as one who serves. You are those who have stood by me in my trials. And I confer on you a kingdom, just as my Father conferred one on me, so that you may eat and drink at my table in my kingdom and sit on thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel." What struck me was his sincerity and courage. He spoke about the need for missions to shift from the mindset of the Benefactor to the Kingdom Builder. So many groups come thinking that they have all the answers for the people. What is it that makes us think that our way is better anyways? What he focused on was his desire to see people come because they simply want to BE with each other as the body of Christ; to come to build a relationship rather than a building.
After he concluded I felt a resurgence of courage within me. I am called to Kenya not to be a Benefactor but a Kingdom Builder. As Robert said " We (The Western world) are not called to fix the problem but to participate in it."
The next day our group got together with Oscar to pray for him. Our group leader asked our group to share with him anything that was on our hearts to encourage Oscar. I was overcome with gratitude towards him. I told him that I was deeply grateful for reminding me of my purpose and the value of the Kenyan people. I thanked him for his honesty with us in the West that we were, in some cases, a detriment to others. When I finished Oscar said to me words I will take with me through the remainder of my days here on earth. HE said "Margaret I hope you know that I DO believe in missions. I believe in the power of human relationships and I know that is why you are coming. I WANT you to come to Kenya and when you do come have coffee with me." It was hard to hold back the tears in that moment! Praise God that he tears away all that is unclean and was so gracious to build back up so quickly!
Over the past few weeks I had begun to allow thoughts into my mind which were not of God. I began to think about how useful I could and have been. What I began to ficus on was my own success rather than God's.
We arrived back in London just in time to attend the evening service, albeit I was really late. After the service I had to rush to the bathroom but I was intercepted by three different women that I've spent time with these past few years at school. I was overwhelmed by their welcoming and happiness to see me and I was convicted by God. He showed me in that moment how he had been working through me in these women's lives. It has absolutely nothing to do with me at all. Praise God that he takes all the credit. I don't want it anyways.. it just messes with my brain!
On Saturday I got up and drove to Tillsonburg to do a church service that I had taken for a minister on holidays. I found the church to have a wonderful environment about them. They were relaxed and prepared to worship their God in whatever way that might take. There was a beautiful dynamic in the service where there was no disconnect between the person speaking and the congregation. Everyone participated and it was reciprocal. I felt completely at home.
As I drove back to the 401 I realized that my roommate from third year, Vicki, went to church right near there. As I was driving I prayed "God, if you want Vicki and I to meet would you please help me to get there in time". I made a few wrong turns but eventually walked into the service as they were finishing their last song.
I spent the afternoon with Vicki and her friends at the beach just laughing and having a wonderful time with wonderful conversation.
VIcki and I made plans and she came to my house the next day, slept over then we went back to the beach. We had an extremely relaxing day of lying on the beach then swimming and repeating. We got a bit scorched but I was just overcome with what a blessing the past days had been.
Fellowship really IS just BEING with people. It has nothing to do with an agenda, although that is something that comes with the relationship.
I didn't plan on being cleansed in Chicago, nor did I plan on being so relaxed and free to speak frankly with the congregation in Tillsonburg. I did not plan to meet Vicki or spend 2 days at the beach but that is exactly what God wanted. As the singer Matt Nathanson says " Everyday is a start of something beautiful!"

So true... So true!!!