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Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Weakness

It's been a whirlwind of an adventure these past few weeks. There were many moments where I would think to myself "Hey, this would be a great topic to write about", however none of them came to pass.
Conferences, cottages, doctors appointments and bridal showers are just a few of the adventures I've been on.
I spent the month of August in New Brunswick. My grandmother was born there so we go to visit family every year. Just this past year my parents purchased a piece of land and built a small but beautiful cottage on it. I was surrounded by a bubbling brook, sky-high trees and a beautiful bay of brackish water.
Since it is a pretty removed area surrounded by farm and uninhabited land, there was no cell reception nor did we have a television. By being forced to be alone with my thoughts God was faithful through my low moments. As much as I love my parents it was lonely at times when they were gone and I was by myself without the potential to talk to my friends.
On the first day after I arrived I woke to the sound of hammers and drills outside my window. My mom was making coffee and suggested that I take some to the workers who was working on our cottage outside. I laugh when I think about that moment since I know God had been planning it for quite some time.
My mom had talked about one of the builders and how he started and runs a downtown St. John mission for homeless and at risk people. When I met that husband and wife team I instantaneously was drawn to their passion for the work they do for the glory of God.
After that I was hooked. I spent ever Thursday and Sunday evening in downtown Saint John where I would simply hang out and chat with people who came into the centre. We talked about everything from politics to life stories. I can't express how much joy and blessings those three weeks spent with the amazing people of Saint John gave me. I now have deep God-given friendships and penpals!
Faithfulness is in God's character. He cannot be anything but faithful to his people. Hey seeks us out even from the deepest holes of life. God is also transformative. I realized that my issues of being alone were coming from a deeper issue; I am soon leaving to Africa where I will know literally no one. The pain of being alone was amplified in the silence of my surrounds in New Brunswick and I was forced to come to terms with how I actually felt. I was scared to be alone and I was scared to leave the people whom I had a community and family. I was simply scared.
My fear came from a lack of faith in God's great handiwork in my life. The day I met that power-house couple that ran the downtown city mission I was also introduced to another new community of people that I grew to love and cherish. God taught me that his arms stretch to my future and he knew what my heart wanted and he gave me just that- a community.
I am more assured than ever before that God has a wonderful community in front of me in Nyeri Kenya. I may not speak the language(yet) but that won't stop him from what is in his nature- to bless his people!
I didn't really want to write about this because I have a hard time showing weakness. I came to an understanding that this experience has God written all over it. Whatever happens is going to happen in whichever way God decides, thus instead of trying to control it, I will let it just be. I think that the more open and honest I am about this new phase of my life, God will use it for the betterment of his kingdom.