There was an error in this gadget

Saturday, November 28, 2009

On leaving...

Let's be brutally honest. Leaving is hard and painful. There are little happy feelings that are present when you are giving that person a hug for the last time for a very long time. The amazing thing is that there are so many wonderful people that have to look forward to seeing when you come home. Those people actually makes leaving harder yet easier at the same time.
I wanted to try to put into words some of the emotional roller coaster I've been on for people who are interested.
If I was asked to sum up the feeling I have right now it would be relief. That may sound all-together cruel but it is the truth. Saying goodbye is extremely emotional and difficult. Such strong emotions are tiring.
Let me explain further. My feeling of relief is in no way related to relief of the absence of important people but just simply relief that the anticipation, tears and raw emotion is almost over. There is really only so much the heart can take and I think I've reached my limit. That doesn't negate the love that I have for everyone, I am now just looking forward to saying HELLO!
Tomorrow will be the hardest day as I say goodbye to my family. They have been beyond wonderful in supporting and loving me through this whole experience. I am going to miss them terribly. I will event miss our seemingly sarcastic and teasing ways that are just the forms we express love.
Thank you to everyone who helped me through this stage of my life. You will be and are already missed. Send me an email anytime you like. I can't always promise a prompt reply but I will do my best.
A special thank you to Tara who helped me pack when I was completely overwhelmed with the amount that had to be accomplished. You saved my travel journeys. You are my superwoman!! xoxo

The next time you hear from me I'll be in Africa! WOOT!

Much Love always!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Fairness does not Govern Life and Death

Fairness does not govern life and death.(pg. 50 from The Five People you will Meet in Heaven) It actually doesn't govern very much these days. The justice system, if played well can even work against justice itself.
These past few months have been challenging for me. Many of my friends have gone through situations that are unfair. The situations are unfair and for a few cases, completely heartbreaking.
I don't exactly know where I am going with this but I felt an urge to write. Bare with me...
This world seems to be drifting nearer to one that challenges and stretches reality. The things once accepted as unchangeable have people whose livelihoods are being spent tweaking that reality. Right and wrong, peace and war, strength and weakness, democracy and socialism, the list goes on: People such as politicians, lawyers, doctors, scientists etc etc etc...Then why does our heart desire to question what the ultimate form of governance is if there exists the ability to constantly change that?
I once heard an opinion about God and his place in this world. The speaker (or author-can't remember) was of the opinion that after God created the world he stepped back. He believed that God created evolution like he created everything else. This challenges common Christian beliefs which asks the question "well, doesn't that eliminate the need for a creator?"
I can't answer that but I know that when I contemplate this thought it makes the concept of prayer make much more sense. Prayer is time spent with God. It is an invitation to God to enter into your life and take his rightful position as creator. It is requesting and listening to God's requests for you-asking and allowing him to be apart of you. It is a respectful surrendering of control!
Was it fair for God to die for me? Was it fair that he hung in the hot sun as the crowd laughed and scoffed? Was it fair that he carried my cross while at times in my life I still turn away from him? I think the answer is clear.
What I do know is that fairness doesn't govern life and we have to seek out God to let him govern ours. If we let him he'll govern our lives. The paradox is that under this governance life is not without unfairness. In fact when we bow down before God we can become visible targets for injustice and worldly condemnation.
Back to those whose lives have gone haywire. Did they let go of God's governance on their lives? Did they take control of themselves? No, but there is something that they have now.
Their creator creates customized joy and shares in their lives; A witness to their pain and assurance that they are not alone. Fairness doesn't govern life and death, God does. His ways are unconventional and, on occasion, painful. The point is to put our faith into something that knows what is best, far beyond our own comprehension.
Even when you don't understand why your dreams have been destroyed or your life sits before you in shambles, remember two things:God has been there in human form and he will get you through it (just maybe not in the way that you intended)

I promise- and so does God!

p.s. if you read this, let me know if it made sense. Sometimes I find that what makes sense to me doesn't to others...